Are you setting your relationship up to fail?
This is big on my mind all the time. How we some how expect so much from our husbands and partners. Why can we not just be happy with what we have and concentrate on the good times.
In society these days, there is a certain picture in our minds that print and media has create for how our men have to look, behave and treat us. Now I am not talking about terrible things like abuse and hatred, obviously those are a no no. I am talking about big ass pie in the sky expectations and how we set our love life and relationships up to fail even before they have begun.
Let us take a very classic example of Valentines day! Fuck I seriously have so much hate for Valentines day, not because of the idea behind it, the idea is wonderful! A day to celebrate love and the people we care for. I hate it because of the image it has sold women, the image of how our husbands should behave on this day. Tell me, how many valentines day’s in your life have you been left feeling disappointed? Maybe your husband was so busy at work that he forgot, or maybe he remembered but only brought you a chocolate when you were EXPECTING flowers AND a chocolate. See what I am getting at?
It is our big ass expectations that ruins the mood for us, we upset our selves in our mind even before we have a reason to be upset. Valentines day is just an example, this goes for all special occasions.
Same goes for your entire relationship. I have had a few relationships in my life, and every man I have ever been with has had his own set of issues and things that did not live up to my expectations. The grass always seems greener on the other side, but maybe the person on the other side is giving the grass love, looking past its brown patches and unpredictable growth, feeding it and giving it a regular cut. Of course your grass is gonna look like shit if you are not giving it any attention. Still following what I am saying?
I love my husband wholeheartedly, through thick and through thin. He works his ass off to provide for me and my family. Yes I have been disappointed because he sucks at gifts and special occasions. But does this make him a bad husband? NO
My husband has things he does that irritate the living shit out of me! He drinks, he smokes and he is always late, he comes home late from work every night and it has been the cause of so many arguments that I have lost track. But do you know what I have realized? It is my fault and not his.
Expecting him to arrive home at 5 every day with a smile on his face while I have a clean house waiting and a fabulous cooked meal, this expectation was my down fall! Those arguments were my doing. So I stopped.. I stopped expecting, I stopped wanting perfection and I just started being very very happy with what I have. Because I have so so much, so much love! Such a beautiful family and a husband that loves me in his heart no matter if he brings flowers or not. I started focusing on the things I did have that were already plenty to fill my heart, the way my husband holds me every night even tho we have been together for like forever and I am now slightly stretched out and old after having two kids. He works his ass off and after work he comes home, yes he comes home late but he is home, he is not out drinking in a pub or cheating on me.
He loves me in HIS OWN WAY , and it is perfect!
Focus on the happiness you have and stop searching for the lost unicorn of golden relationships. If you focus on the bad then only the bad will flourish. Focus on the good and feed it like the green grass on the other side. Ever relationship has its own problems and down falls, work through them, look past them and grown the good parts, the love.