Giving birth the way you want, Why is it so difficult?!

Here I am once again wanting the birth I have always dreamed of but why is it so difficult to get this right! It seems women are so restricted these days on how they can give birth except if they want a c-section. There is a serious lack of honest support for women as far as birthing methods are concerned. I feel like I basically had to go to the end of the earth and back and spend extra money, just to get it right for a chance of having the baby come out of my vagina instead of pulled out via c-section.

My first pregnancy  I had no clue what the hell I was doing as far as birth and pregnancy was concerned but I did for sure in my mind know that I wanted this baby to come naturally with a vaginal birth and not a c-section. Guess what?! I ended up with a c-section, when it came down to birthing time it seemed my baby didn’t want to come out. Looking back now, with all I have learnt over the years, I now realize that wasn’t necessarily true and If I had had the proper help I would probably have been able to birth naturally the way I wanted. My daughter was born healthy and there were no complications so I am very grateful, but it was not the birth we had dreamed of. Do not get me wrong here, there is nothing wrong at all with a c-section if that is what you want.

c-section birth

Now I am pregnant for the second time and faced with even more problems this time with trying for my vaginal birth. I first had my gynecologist tell me how it was totally not gonna happen and very beyond dangerous to attempt birthing vaginally after I had had a c-section, he quoted all kinds of horrible sounding statistics and basically made it sound like I was going to tear open and bleed to death or my baby would die. I was told that he wouldn’t help me with the birth if that was my plan and that I would struggle to find a Dr in my town that would. Luckily I had done my research before the appointment and knew that this was not the case but still he was my gyne and we all know how hard it is to move to a new one!

Hospital v-bac birth

I had to travel all the way to the next little town to go find myself a supportive gynecologist that was willing to help me with my vbac birth (vbac= vaginal birth after c-section). When we arrived and spoke to this gyne it was like a day and night difference, I was literally speechless when I walked out there, thank god my husband was with or he would probably not have believed the difference in opinion. This wonderful and supportive gyne agreed that it was very possible to have a successful vbac and that the statistics for something actually going wrong are so so very low and this paired with the fact that it is in hospital and you are monitored for any possible problems makes it completely safe! I walked out there feeling positive, happy and empowered! Exactly how I would imagine feeling about the birth to come.

vaginal birth after c-section

If  I had not done my research before hand I would probably have gone with what the first Dr said and just booked a c-section and just dealt with feeling disappointed again, because in all honesty if you didn’t know the facts he would basically have scared the hell out of you.

So I have now planned my vbac birth and found my gyne and a wonderful midwife to help me! I would love to hear if you had a problem or had to jump through hoops to birth the way you wanted? Are you also thinking about having a Vbac birth? leave a comment bellow and please share this post with your friends so we can get an idea of how many women have had this problem

7 Comments

  1. Marné

    March 16, 2016 at 11:56 am

    Hi Melissa! I am sorry to hear about this journey of yours. Unfortunately I cannot comment on what you asked for; I read this because even though I haven’t given birth, this is exactly my experience with gynaes.
    I was about to ask you why don’t you consider a midwife together with a gynae, when I saw that that is exactly what you did. I found that midwives are sometimes more clued up and a lot more sensitive towards your needs. A lot of people seem to think they are too old-school, not competent enough, don’t know about technology and cannot handle emergency situations, where I’ve found that that is the furthest thing from the truth.
    I’m so glad that you got to the right people and can have peace of mind with your upcoming vbac. Congratulations on your pregnancy, all the best to you xx

    1. Melissa

      March 16, 2016 at 12:00 pm

      Thanx Marne , I have now got my midwife and gyne that are so far working wonderful together! I am now looking forward to the birth and am no longer worried or scared. I wish more people knew about midwives and different birthing options.

  2. Nickhi

    March 16, 2016 at 12:00 pm

    I was set on giving natural birth… Unfortunately though, about 2-3 weeks before my son was due, I was told that I had no placenta left and had to come in for an induction or c-section. I opted for the induction. I knew the chances of my water breaking naturally were very slim, because my mother’s never did. She had to be induced with three of her four children.
    So, on the Wednesday (my birthday) I went in and they started with the induction. When they finally broke my water for me (very painful & uncomfortable feeling) I started getting contractions (which were quite painful). They offered an epidural and with the pain I gladly took it… Only to find out it was given way too high. I couldn’t breathe without oxygen, I could hardly lift my arms. Needless to say, that when time came to push, I couldn’t feel what I had to do (and I’d asked them to stop the epidural immediately when I realised I had trouble breathing).
    I ended up getting an episiotomy, which has led to more problems than a c section would have.

    If I could do it over, I wouldn’t have taken the epidural. They gave it at 19h30 and my son was born at 22h20 – that’s three hours of labour pains. Yes it was sore, but I would’ve lived through it. My son weighed about 2kg’s less than they estimated, so birthing him would’ve been easy. The only issue was that the chord had gone around his neck, which the Dr only noticed after doing the episiotomy and trying to take him out.
    My son was screaming the moment he came out – he is healthy and happy. I would give natural birth again any day. The next morning I was walking around, changing his nappies, making his bottles etc., while all the other moms who had c-sections were still in their beds. I was released the Friday morning. The healing process took about as long as a c-section, I couldn’t sit for 2 weeks, and the after effects are often painful (if you know what I mean). But I wouldn’t consider a c-section unless there’s NO OTHER WAY AT ALL.
    After my ‘ordeal’ though I did some research myself – they could’ve offered me various pain reducing medication which would not have made me numb. I could’ve given birth to my son naturally, without any cutting involved. But now I know what my options are for next time. Stick to your midwife – PLEASE go for pre-natal classes – YOU WILL NEED THEM. I was told it wouldn’t be necessary and that is what made my ‘pain worse’. Swim alot (ask your Dr if you can swim in heated pools) as this will make the muscles stronger. Do your kegel exercises regularly. Walk a lot (this will also help strenghten the muscles and lessen the pain).

    The sad fact is that 85% of women don’t give birth the way they planned to – there will ALWAYS be a chance that things could change once you’re giving birth / once baby’s time to arrive has come. So don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t go as planned. We can only plan it – when the time comes many things can change at that moment. A family member of ours didn’t even get contractions (well she did, but didn’t feel them at all), someone else I know had her baby breach at the last minute…. So take comfort in knowing that for most of us, it doesn’t happen the way we plan :)

  3. MeeA

    March 16, 2016 at 1:05 pm

    I have given birth vaginally 3 times after my first baby was born via C-section. The last one was a breech home birth. It is totally possible to have a safe vbac with minimal intervention!

  4. Kimberley

    March 16, 2016 at 2:20 pm

    I wish you all the best on your vbac journey! I’m also pregnant with number two and am hoping for a vbac too. Have you joined the VBAC in SA Facebook group, lots of great moms on there with good support. xx

  5. mommabearTrax

    April 22, 2016 at 10:15 am

    You don’t know HOW HAPPY it makes me when I hear or read stories like this. Well done, I hope plenty of women will be inspired and more informed about the state of affairs, after having read your story.

    Its scary if you think about all the women who have been bullied into having a c-sect through the use of scare tactics by some reckless doctors.
    Nothing wrong with women CHOOSING to have surgical births for their babies, but women who are wanting to give their body chance to birth vaginally, should be allowed just that! Why are their choices suddenly now limited.
    And after quite a bit of research and chatting to ssooo many doctors, the reasons offered for this kind of bullying are just as ridiculous as the notion that these Dr’s have any sort of power over our bodies.

    ps. if you want you can read my long ass story here:
    https://themilkmemoirs.wordpress.com/2014/11/28/the-journey-to-a-beautiful-birth-morgan-lees-birth-story-part-i/

    1. Melissa

      April 22, 2016 at 10:22 am

      So true hay, this time I am definitely Choosing how I want my baby born and I am making damn sure they all know it lol. I am happy my first child was healthy but I do feel robbed of my natural birth and the whole experience. Also in a way feel bad because how will I explain yo the girls one day that the one was a c section but the other has a wonderful natural birth. Maybe thats just me being silly

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