Motherhood is a lonely place to be sometimes…

Motherhood can be a terribly lonely place to be, Iv seen it so much. The most popular person can end up without friends and feeling alone and sad. The problem with it is that motherhood changes you, nothing can really prepare you for it and the changes that come.

What if I told you that the life I live now is the complete opposite of the life I used to live. Years ago I lived a rough life, a rebellious one,  a sex, drugs and rock & roll kind of life where I did not really care about anything, I had lost so much and had so much hurt in my heart that I honestly just stopped caring and became a terrible person. I am not proud of all the drinking and partying and shit I got up to, I cringe when I think about the things I did. But I had sooo many friends, the parties were good and there was always someone with me. I had my little gang of people who I saw on almost a daily basis.

Anyways.. Fast forward a few years and 1 divorce later (I got married when I as 18 but that’s a story for another day). My life now is the complete opposite to what it used to be, I do not go out anymore, I hardly drink, I am set on being healthy, Friends are few and I spend my time with my children. There is no sex, drugs and rock and roll in sight lol. (Ok well maybe just a little bit of sex)

South African parenting blogger

So what happened to all those friends? the ones I saw everyday and would call to invite me over or just rock up to say hi… My motherhood is what happened. I changed.. I fell pregnant and stopped drinking, started building a home and a family and unfortunately 98% of those friends were still on the other path in life so we no longer had things in common and thus motherhood became a very lonely place for me. But it doesn’t have to be like that.

I have learnt to re-build me village. Surround myself with women and mothers that are on the same path as me, there are so many wonderful people out there and I have made a lot of new friends by socializing with different groups, like my birth group, a group of women that all had home births with my midwife. We meet for coffee and let out babies play and I made some wonderful new friends. I have learnt to put myself out there and be open to making new friends instead of being hung up on the old ones that some how disappeared and never bothered to check how I am doing now that I had kids and life got real.

If you get past all of that and manage to actually have a little village then there is also all of the negative mommy shaming going on, WTF is actually up with all of that! Who gives a shit what kind of nappies you use, if you breastfeed or not, or vaccinate or not. Every mother out there is still just a mother trying to do her best for her children! So please let us rather say kind words to each other and uplift each other, give advice in a positive way and show support regardless of our lifestyle choices , because only another mother knows! We need to be here for each other.

Now take a minute to imagine a new mother, just given birth in a hospital without friends or family because not everyone has a village around. Imagine how scary it must be, with this new little life to look after and a long new journey ahead and you are in hospital and feeling alone. Well this Mothers day you can make a difference to another mother out there by taking a few minutes of your time to join the Cape Town Embrace project. Even tho this is called Cape Town Embrace, there are events happening around the country.

Cape Town Embrace has events happening for Mothers Day Connect, The Mothers Day connect events are very simple, the point of it is for you to join the event and pledge to spend 1 hour of your time on mothers day at one of your local public hospitals to just offer support for women who have just given birth and started their journey of motherhood. Just to say Hi, how are you. Motherhood aint so bad and scary and there are so many other mom’s out there that get what you are going through and there is a village that you can turn to for support.

If you want to get involved then you can head over to www.embrace.org.za and get all the details for Mothers Day connect that is happening this Sunday. If you cant make going to a hospital but just want to do your little part then you can share this post far and wide so that we can get the message across.

You can also join the Cape Town Embrace Facebook page HERE so that you can stay up to date with what is happening and how you can help make changes in your community to support new mothers.

You can also watch this little Video below to hear exactly what its all about :)

8 Comments

  1. Sandy

    May 9, 2017 at 9:38 am

    Great read my love, it is all so true I also hardly have any friends anymore, they are all on a different path. Best to surround yourself with like minded people. Life is too short. You have grown into a lovely crunchy pro natural health mamma and I am so proud of you! You are doing such a great job with your two beautiful little girls! I will always be there for you even though I live so far away.

  2. amanda

    May 9, 2017 at 8:17 pm

    Your girls are adorable. Happy early mother’s day!

    1. Melissa

      May 11, 2017 at 7:30 am

      Thank you Amanda! Hope you also have a lovely mothers day

  3. Marie Carter

    May 9, 2017 at 10:01 pm

    Loved this post… Life definitely changes when you become a mother. I’m just loving the movement in support of nrw moms. Happy Mothers Day!

    1. Melissa

      May 11, 2017 at 7:30 am

      Remember to go comment on the Group post on Facebook for your entry to be valid. X

  4. Lynne Huysamen

    May 11, 2017 at 7:53 pm

    Hi Melissa, I have finally found the time to visit your blog and I can see so many similarities. My drugging and drinking went way too far and I need addiction treatment to get my life back together. Thankfully my babies were born after I got clean. I struggled to adapt to motherhood and to being a wife, especially since I got married when I was six months pregnant and moved from the town I had lived in my entire life to be with my new husband. It was seriously lonely for me, I had to adjust to being without my support network and finding my feet in a new place where I knew nobody, as well as adjusting to marriage.
    I will spread the message, it is really not nice to feel so alone when you have a baby. I remember that feeling only too well.

    1. Melissa

      May 12, 2017 at 6:59 am

      Hello Lynne! So nice to have you comment on my blog, thank you! I know exactly what you mean,the drinking and drugging came so close to ruining everything for me,I met my husband at the peak of it and ended up helping him get out of the drug habits as well. I am so happy to now live a healthier clean life away from all of that. The sad part is now having to avoid certain people we know to stay away from that lifestyle.
      Thank you for taking the time to visit me blog :) I follow your page and enjoy your posts.
      X

      1. Lynne Huysamen

        May 13, 2017 at 1:16 pm

        It is amazing how many people have been in the same boat but are too scared to admit it. How wonderful that you and your husband could support each other and help each other to move past that.

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