Things I wish I had done with my mother before she died.

With mothers day coming up this is a topic that is always strong in my mind. My mother.. I didn’t get much time with my mother before she died, I feel like in some way life cheated me out of important moments that a girl needs with her mother. Like the fundamental building blocks of a womens life.

I don’t want to get too into it at the moment, into how my mother died..but it wasn’t pleasant and it is a day that is forever burnt into my mind. You see I was only 15 when my mother died, she had lung cancer and suffered for a long time.  The morning she died I was still arguing with her about getting dressed for school and what channel the TV was on when it happened… She went from talking to me to dying. Her lung had burst from the pressure of the cancer and she died infront of me drowning in her own blood. This is a very gruesome description of events but really I have no other way of explaining it…

I didn’t get to spend any “adult” time with my mother,  because I was still a child when she died. I never got to sit and have an adult conversation over a glass of wine and talk about life stuff, marriage, children…  Or any other conversation with my mom. Even just have a cup of coffee and listen to her talk about anything really would have been great.  Because I was a teenager at the time,  an ungrateful child that didn’t appreciate the time she actually had with her mother, I never took advantage of those last moments, that last time with her before she passed.  Why was I so stupid!  

Regret is a bitch!  And I will live with these thoughts forever, I will miss my mother forever because it never goes away. The grieving never stops,  it just dulls out with the noise of day to day life and then slaps you in the face again on special occasion like mothers day. So many things I wish I had done with my mother before she died, I wish I had bought her gifts and writen her letters, baked her a cake and told her I loved her. Taken photos with her, I don’t know where the cameras were but I have no photos of me and my mother, I wish there was just one.

Iv been very sentimental lately,  wondering about life and my children. Being healthy, not just for me but for my children so they can grow up knowing their mother and not live through the pain that I had to. I need to take care of me so I can take care of them. I want to give them memories and moments that will be a good foundation for them when they are adult women. For me this brings on a need to change, to make life changes and moves to better the future of my daughters.

I am not alone for mothers day but I am missing a part of my heart, the part my mother fits Into. I know I should focus on being a mother and letting my children do mothers day with me but like I said, the grieving never stops.

For mothers day this year, let’s all try focus on what’s Important.  I see so much mommy shaming going on on the Internet and mommy groups, its really upsetting!  We should be reminding each other that being a mother is fabulous and we should remind each other to enjoy it, make memories and be grateful for children!  Not arguing about whether or not we breast or bottle feed, CO sleep or not, vaccinate or not. Have money for fancy things or not.. Being there for each other is the greatest gift!

If you want to give a bit this mothers day, and by give I mean just be there for someone that needs to hear that motherhood is a blessing. Then please please check out Mothers Day connect 2017, a project for mothers day where you can give support to a new mother out there somewhere that is alone and just needs to hear kind words and. We could ensure that every woman who gives birth on Mother’s Day is told that she is wonderful and strong, and that her baby is a gift to our world. This isn’t about grand gestures or education. There are no super-heroes. This is about acknowledgement. “I see you. I see your baby. Thanks for your sacrifice, Mama, and Happy Mother’s Day.”

Check out Embrace.org for details: http://www.embrace.org.za/mothers-day-connect/

8 Comments

  1. Simone Cameron

    April 20, 2017 at 12:12 pm

    Awwww you cannot blame yourself though, we were all ungrateful brats at 15. I think my appreciation for my mom only kicked in once I had my own children. Then I realised, wow, moms aren’t total bitches. They spent nights awake with us…many many nights, and they kept us alive and safe…and and and…..
    So sorry that you had to…have to live with this experience. I wish I had words or a wand to make it better, but I lost my dad (which I don’t even think can come close to the thought of losing my mom, but still hard nonetheless) so I know that ache stays with you forever and a day. xxxx
    I’ll check the link out, sounds like a lovely gesture.

  2. Elize Swanepoel

    April 20, 2017 at 12:31 pm

    So sorry to hear you lost your Mom at such a young age. Don’t beat yourself up. At 15 we think we know everything. I still have my Mom and I treasure every moment with her especially now that I am a mom myself. The thing about Mom’s are their unconditional love. No matter what you say or do, they will love you no matter what. I have lost a few endearing people to cancer myself and I know the pain and struggle they go through. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. But I always let myself believe that the one’s we’ve lost are still there. Gone but never forgotten. They live on in our memories. And I would like to believe that they are looking down on us and smile at our antics. Almost like guardian Angels. I’ll have a look at the link. Any Mom deserves a bit of love especially because we are the harsh judges and are way too hard on ourselves. xxx

  3. Ronnae Elliott

    April 20, 2017 at 2:29 pm

    Thank you for sharing this.

  4. Shannon

    April 23, 2017 at 4:56 pm

    ” I need to take care of me so I can take care of them.” I love that sentence Melissa. So true. Your girls are so blessed to have such a wonderful mama on their team. xxx

  5. Jonelle

    April 30, 2017 at 9:38 pm

    Wow this made me so sad. I have the same regrets about not having more of the important conversations with my dad. I’m sorry you experienced such a traumatic loss at such a young age but I bet if she could, she’d be here telling you she’s proud of you! xoxo

    1. Melissa

      May 4, 2017 at 9:27 am

      Thank you Jonelle love. Its such a hard thing, mothers day and fathers day is not always easy. xxx

  6. Wenchy

    May 3, 2017 at 1:48 pm

    I feel very similarly about Father’s Day. My father died at the safe of 30, when I was 11 years old.

    I hear you.

    1. Melissa

      May 4, 2017 at 9:26 am

      Thank you for your comment love. Its comforting to know I am not alone. xx

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