What is mother’s day when your mother is dead?

This has been strong on my mind lately, the question of what is the meaning of mothers day and also what do you do to fill the gap when your mother has passed away?

These day’s, for weeks leading up to mothers day there is an intense media hype around ┬áthe day. Most of the social media posts are somewhere along the line of post a photo of you and your mom, tag your mom, what are you going to do for your mother this mothers day. But not once anywhere have I seen a post that is some how directed for those that no longer have their mothers.

The meaning of mothers day

My mother died when I was 16 so that is so long ago it seems like a lifetime without her but for some reason the endless pain and suffering inside when it comes to missing your mother just never seems to end. It is the one loss and sadness that seems to be so inner built that it is difficult to shake or get rid of. Now for mothers day it has become more of a remembering my mother and thinking about what I wish I could do with her on this day. Because she passed away when I was so young it is hard for me to even imagine since I never got the chance to sit down and talk with her over a glass of wine and have an adult conversation with her.

But what to do with yourself on mothers day if you no longer have a mother.. For me It has transformed into spending time with my husband and daughter and the love they show me on mothers day because I am now a mother. I have shifted my mothers day focus to being a mother for my children and I now watch as my daughter celebrates me on this day as I would have my mother. Or tho this does not take away the sadness of not having a mother of my own but the distraction and love shown towards me fills the gap in my heart.

Mothers day card

So anyways.. I guess my point is that this mothers day, Let us take the time to give our thoughts to all the mothers that are no longer with us. Let us not loose the meaning of mothers day in the rush to buy fancy presents and spend money, but rather just give such grateful thanks for the true and irreplaceable love that our mothers actually give us for that is the meaning of mothers day! To show thanks and appreciation for all the hard work, sweat and tears our mothers put in to bring us to where we are today.

and finally, in the moment of it all. Take this chance to show your mother you love her because you never know when she will no longer be here.

xxx

5 Comments

  1. Daniela

    May 8, 2016 at 7:38 am

    Thanks for the lovely post. Yes not only Mothers Day but also Fathers Day can be very difficult for those that no longer have theirs to celebrate with. I always make Mothers Day extra special for my Mom as she no longer has hers and it is even more poignant because my Dad and her soul partner passed away on Mothers Day 16 years ago. For both of us Fathers Day is even more difficult but we both take the time to still celebrate it by sharing our cherished moments we had with him.

    1. Melissa

      May 8, 2016 at 7:42 am

      Yes Father’s day is also difficult for some. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you and your mother on mothers day because of that. It helps to take comfort in each other.

  2. Mia shaik

    May 8, 2016 at 4:38 pm

    Melissa i feel for you and although mom is not here physically ,she is still watching over you .i love your post and so agree that everyone gets caught up in the commercial aspect of this day without realising what its really about. Carry on being strong hun ,and all the best for the new arrival.

    xoxo

    Mia shaik

    1. Melissa

      May 8, 2016 at 4:54 pm

      Thank you so much for your kind words Mia! I know in life we often forget how lucky we are to have our loved ones. If its one thing I wish more people would realize it’s to make the most of the time they have with their mothers. Xx

  3. Nickhi

    May 9, 2016 at 6:38 am

    My father passed away 3 days before his Birthday in 2014, when I was 5 months pregnant. Every Father’s Day and every big step my son takes, is a sad day. I wish I could share the special moments with him… My son’s first word, his first smile, his first steps. He looked forward to meeting him soooo much. I remember him crying every time I grabbed the doppler and let him have a listen or every time I showed him a video of the ultrasound (he hurt his back, so could never come with to a Doctor’s appointment). He passed away suddenly (after having the Flu). I am so grateful that we let him and my mom move in with us though, because for a year I got to know the person my father was – not just ‘dad’. I got to know him. We had wonderful conversations late at night, early in the mornings and often shed a tear because we were sooo happy that I was finally expecting :) He passed away about a month after we found out that I was expecting a boy. I will always cherish that specific last year with him – and I will teach my son to know his grandfather, even if he’s not there. It has also taught me to appreciate my mother more – her pain is much worse than mine. They spent more than 50 years together (dating / being married). It must be extremely difficult to say goodbye to someone who has become a part of you over time.

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