Am I a bad mother ? Terrible morning…
I think this all boils down to adapting to life with two children in the house… I think Zoe has finally reached a stage where she is acting out about having a sister to share attention with.
This morning was one of those horrible morning’s that could drive me insane enough to pack my suit case and run away to somewhere quite to be on my own for a while. Or tho that is just impossible with a 11 week old baby stuck to my boob 24/7. Do you ever feel like just going into the next room and screaming to let out some frustration? I feel like my toddler is out of control and It is making life so difficult, It is even making my marriage miserable.
This morning I felt like I abandoned one child to take care of another… I don’t have enough mommy arms and eyes to keep an eye on the both of them at the same time. While I was in the drive way helping my husband get Zoe in the car for school, poor Violet was just left sitting in her rocker/play chair. Am I a bad mother that I leave the one child alone like that to go deal with the other child. What if Violet died while I was wrestling with Zoe (This is probably coming from the other days freak out when she stopped breathing, you can read about it HERE)
This morning everything went wrong, well actually not just this morning, last night too. I was awake about 6 times with Violet last night, she just kept waking up looking for boob and Zoe decided that 3am was a good time to throw a tantrum. It saddens me that I have to tell Zoe she can no longer cuddle in bed with us because there is no space for her now with her sister in the bed, She just doesn’t understand it and I can see she is heart sore about it.
This morning I had to fight with Zoe for everything, she did not want to listen at all. She threw her toys around, screamed at me and refused to get dressed for school. There is no amount of putting her in the corner or “go to your room” that can make Zoe listen when she is like this! Do you also have these days with your children, where they are just uncontrollable?
This morning I felt like the whole world was against me, including my own very beautiful children. I had to physically wrestle Zoe into the car for school while she decided it was cool to bite my arm. I am left wondering if she is acting out because of the new baby in the house but if it is so then its a bit of a delayed reaction 11 weeks in.
This morning was just not my morning… Why I am telling you this?? I am telling you this because do not think you are along, yes YOU! I know you also struggling and have morning where it feels like the whole world is crashing down on you and it is a bit depressing and you feel like taking double the dose of you anti anxiety medication and downing a bottle of wine. Just remember these moments pass and our beautiful little ones grow up so fast. Take some time to try and clear your mind and relax a bit, drink a cup of coffee or ask hubby to watch the kids so you can have a bath. A small moment away from the craziness helps press the frustration reset button… So pass the wine please!!!!
And yes my children look like absolute sweetie pies when they are behaving!